life-love-chocolate..

i love chocolate..very much..
i love to love and being loved also..
but ya..
i hate life..
life is always a paradox..
in my life..
many guys..came into my life..and gone..like a puff of smoke..
i have no regrets to be with them..
but..I'm so fed up with this..
today..
he has gone away from my life..
and ya..like what he said..
our love..will never ends..
I..ya..choose to believe this statement..
but ya..I dun really know when will my last breath be..
so..
until the day I die..
I love you ya..Saiah..
bye..
enjoy your life exploration..
I..
have to cont my life..
waiting for that day to come..
the day..the book to be be reopened again..


ps , our love story..to be cont..

His will..

do you believe in God's will..
He has told me about His will..
but..
it's not my will..
I dun like His plan..
but..after all..
we are His creation..
He is our Father..
He knows us better than we know ourselves..
and so..
I choose..
to follow His will..
just like what Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane..
"..Not my will be done,but Yours.."
Amen..

long road to freedom ..

see the boy..he has a long road ahead of him..
I'm wondering..If I were him..will i complain while walking..'cause..it's such a long long road to go..as if there's no end..everything is so uncertain..so unsure..accidents may happen during the journey..I may fall down and no one will come for a help as u see..there's no people along the road..

yet..the little boy there..look so determined in finishing the journey..though he's small in size..but he's doing his best to walk..to complete this journey..that looks endless..see..he stretched out his arms..trying to balance himself..just by watching his back..I can see his determination..to continue this journey..

I hope I can be like this little boy..persevered in my life journey..never give up the things that I'm
pursuing now..the path maybe narrow and winding..
but thank God,there's always comfort provided from Him..
Life maybe tough now..but God's gracious..He sent His
angels for me..when I fall down,He'll pick me up and carry me
through the hardships in my life..

the long road to freedom..
I'm not alone in this walk..
God's with me..
my family and friends are with me..
he's with me..
Amen.

first day of new school semester..

"check it out now!
To God be the glory!"

these two lines are in one of the songs we sang in the Bidor VBS camp..such a catchy and cool song..it uses the lyrics of my favourite Christian old hymn but with a cool and R&B music..kaka..I have had a lot of fun in that camp..and have indeed learned a lot of lessons from the camp as well as from the children..thank God that there were around four children accepted Christ during the camp..You know what..I was asked to be the helper in the kitchen station..gosh..can you imagine a girl who can't even fry an egg "presentably" have to teach the children about the lessons through making their own food?But still..thank God that sister Jenee was there for me..and that..kaka..the food..in fact..was kinda easy to prepare only..lolz..perasan ni..

this camp is kinda special for me..as there were so many of my first-time-experiences here..first time to be a helper in camp,first time to travel to Bidor alone,first time to do serving in children ministry,first time to be helper together with Isaic,first time to watch arsenal-manchester utd match,first time to co-operate with a crew of Christians whom I have never met b4,first time to buy gifts for children,first time to take Indian food for three days consecutively...so so many first-time-experiences I had in this camp..that makes this camp become so unique for me personally..

I will always remember all the laughter and jokes that I shared with the children and helpers in the camp..I'm really thankful that I didn't miss the chance to be there..Once again,I could feel how great and loving our Almighty God is..how deep and perfect is His love for us..The kind of indescribable feeling..that reminds me again that..ya..He's the Lord your God..who loves me and will never forsake me..No one can love us so much..not even our parents..not even our soul mates..At the end of the days..once again..thank God..and..ya..have been a long time didn't say this to you..dear Father..I love you..

"There is only one God"
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart"
" He will never leave you nor forsake you"
Amen....

one-week-holiday..

"happy holiday!"
that's what my chemistry teacher greeted me just now..
phew..finally..can have some rest..but who knows ..my holiday is cramped with tonnes of works again..life goes on..sigh..oh ya..about the debate..our team was the winner..nothing special..life goes on..have learned something from it..not bad..
wanna have a retreat la..quiet,stress-free lifestyle..need a good rest...maybe not long..but as least..you know..one whole day don't have to do anything tedious..just enjoy life..enjoy the sunshine..if possible..the ocean salty smell..waves hitting the rocks..reddish orange sunset..
sigh..m daydreaming ..don't have to bother me now..don't try to interrupt my dream now..just give me five min of having a temporary good rest..Lol..
m going to attend a camp in bidor..as a helper..hope can learn something from it also..and m going to watch arsenal-manchester-united match..on 29 aug..hope everything will be fine when i'm watching this match..really hope that the ceiling wont get torn when arsenal scores goals..kaka..somebody..remember to behave yourself in people's house..kaka..
I'm ready..holiday..

To be or not to be..

today was a "surprise surprise" day..M again stuck in this dim-lighted and warm digital library..haven't taken my lunch..sorry to God..i starved myself again..but anyway..I
know it's not a good habit..but you know..humans tend to commit sin everyday..Dilemma ni..

okie,come back to my topic today..surprises..it's like this..I have been appointed to be the President of English Language Society..Is it a blessing ..kaka..or a curse..wu..sigh..in short,it means one more responsibility is with me now..and..you know..it's a..kinda heavy one..and another surprise is ..er..mmm..cant be announced publicly now..I'm told not to tell anyone about this surprise before the right time comes..so be patient ya..kaka..mm..but now..i feel like..my shoulder is kinda heavy..many many things to do..many many roles to play..many responsibilities to bear..that's why..M now wondering..should i decline that second surprise..that's why..to be or not to be..this second surprise is
kinda..attractive..alluring..tempting..mm..

but still..hehe..I've made up my mind..I know what should my life priority be..nothing is more important than Him..fame,authority,riches in the world..they're here today ...but gone tomorrow..ya..that surprise may look good for me..it helps me to gain more respect and reputation..many ppl may think that i'm very capable..i'm an all-rounded student..but..still..how ppl look at me..not important..it's how God looks at me..that realy cares..so..hehe..I know what to be now,how abt u?live your life for God or for the world?
I choose God..becoz He's my Father..Amen..

P.s i love you..

m kinda emo now..wanna cry..but no tears flow from my eyes..mayb it's because my eyes have become so tired ard..no more tears for me to cry..

listening to the man who cant be moved now..the lyrics of this song..kinda unbelievable,dramatic..excuse me??camp in sleeping bag?not gonna move?but somehow or rather..it touched my heart..deep down to the bottom..of my heart..

i'm not a good gal..last time did many cruel things to many guys..used to leave them when they thought that it's almost time for me to accept them..be their gf..but..evrytime..when that time came..i would leave them..ya..coz I know..they are not the chosen one..not the correct one..but this brought lots of pain to them..sorry ya..to all of you..who have been hurt by me..

this time..dun wanna do this cruel thing again..hope i dun have to..this time..shud b d right one..cant afford to get wrong again..my heart grows realy fatigued d..have realy put in effort n m realy serious this time..

he has introduced one movie for me to watch..P.s i love you..mayb u can have a watch on it oso..

Get sick again..

Get sick again..
I hate being sick..

But dunno why..every month..for sure there'll be two or three days..or sometimes even a week..of being sick..

kinda fed up to go and "visit" the clinical doctors again..every month will pay them around 30 something ..just to buy those bitter-until-wanna-vomit medicines..you know what..I hate eating pills..hate drinking coughing solution(oh God,this is d worst)..hate drinking chinese herbs med oso..hate taking med la..argh..

but this time..I try not to hate them..try to "love" them..in the sense that..you know..I ate all the med..(even the blacky bitter+salty coughing solution)..'cause..dun wan to see everyone worry for me..my parents..pity my dad..He was so anxious for d whole day yesterday..my mum..boiled all sorts of wierd-tasted yet "healthy"(that's d word my mum said) chinese herbs solution for me to drink..And even my siblings..they are very concerned abt my health condition as well..like my little bro..last night he came to my room just to check whether i was slepin anot..and..you know what..kaka..that time i was chatting happily with isaiah on the phone..kaka..

i think..I've to really take good k of myself..cant be lik last time...mmm..those who are close to me will know this..that..I have the tendency to..you know..abuse my body..mmm..I did a small prayer yesterday..asking Him to give me the strength and the will to love and take good care of my body..mmm..

and..wanna say thank you to those who have been prayin for my health since the moment they know that I am sick..thank you very much..and..thanks ya,you-know-who -you-are..sorry for making you worry all this while..thanks a lot ya..

everyone..take good care of your body ya..it's the living temple of God...it's given by Him..

Praise the Lord!

"Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Let the earth hear His voice;
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Let the people rejoice .. "

Do you know about this song? This song right..I will start singing this song whenever I receive good news or "grace" from people..I was in the school just now..And..hehe..Our team won in the debate competition(though it's only quarter-final,still have a long way to go)..But still you know..Like what I said in my last blog..It's my first ever time to be in a English debate..And you know..God is so gracious to me..I was the Best Speaker in that round..Waoh..Do you know how much it meant for me..this title..

I thank God..that..I have found back the treasure..the confidence..ya..it's my treasure..I lost it during that darkest time in my life..But Praise the Lord!! I've managed to find it back..Thanks for everyone who have been praying for me all this while also..Thanks a lot ya..

Wu..today got piles of homework to do again..Sigh..And guess what??Today I had my first chemistry practical class..hehe..Have to wear lab white coat..But you know..my size..the coat is just too big for a "s-sized" gal like me..blek..

Next week will have the semi-final and final rounds..Hope everything will be fine..and..will use this treasure well..cherish it a lot..Thanks ya..Father..for you have loved me so
much..and have given the treasure..back to me..

Gaining back ..my lost treasure..

Have I told you all before that..I am currently a form six student??kaka..hope everyone knows this..Guess what..I am in my school's digital library..Gosh..feel kinda embarrassed also..Coz ..after studying for nearly two months in this new Malay school..now only I know there's a digital library in this place..tomorrow
will have the first English debate competition..and..kaka..it's my first time to participate in ENG debate(used to be a Chinese debater)..Know why I wanna volunteer myself to join in this kind of contest which needs a lot of preparation??mmm..

I have lost one of my treasure after suffering from that trauma..ya..a huge and kinda devastating trauma to my life..to my ego..kaka..And these few months,I have found out that I have lost this treasure..which meant a lot to me and have brought a lot of happiness and pride for me last time..I hope ..through this contest..I can gain back this treasure..I don't wanna lose it..It's too hard to live without this treasure..

mmm..anyone..who is reading my blog now..plz pray for me ya..that I will be able to find it back and never let it go..The treasure..

This treasure..comes from Him..It belongs to Him..
May the glory and victory brought by this treasure go to the One and the Only one..Amen..

Patience+Love=Long Suffering

patience+love=long suffering
I learnt this so called " equation" from a Sunday sermon from my church elder few years ago..
Many unpleasant incidents occured this few weeks..
Know what?
i failed in my physics (expected)..but that's another unexpected gift coming together..
Guess what..
Failed in my maths also..
12 marks..lowest in d class..
Was so embarrassed when I took d paper from my math teacher..sigh..
then d physics one..even more shameful..
Got 0 mark..ya..zero..
gosh..wanna kill myself d..
then suddenly this " equation" came into my mind..patience+love = long suffering..
Ya..I shudn't play temper with him.. shud hav control myself from throwing all my feelings to him without thinking for his feeling..shud be patient in accepting the truth..M sorry ya..
mm..but still He's gracious..He sent all His angels to me..my family..my frenz..my boy..
Thanks ya..for all of u who are alwy there for me..carrying my burden with me..
phew..many things to do ni..but..dun give up ya..we all add oil ya..add oil until can drive car ya..lolz..

Disappointment and Anxiety..

This few days..were kinda depressive one..
Dunno why..tears just flow from my cheek without any "pre-indication"..
I think I strain myself too much..In whatever I do..
but it seems like that's no other way for me to work everything out unless by straining myself to complete them all..in time..
I have just sit for the July test..
and trust me..it is the worst ever exam I have had before..
My physics paper..Out of the nine questions,I only know how to "do" two questions..
I told myself.."gosh..it's terrible ..you're going to fail your physics this time.."
It'll be my first time to fail in exam ..if i really do fail in this exam..
gosh..kinda hard for me to accept..for a person like me..kiasu..argh..
My studies..haihz..Big big headache..
My classmates used to ask me why not going for tuition classes..
In fact..come on..who said I don't want to go for tuition..It's becoz I dun have the money to pay the teacher to teach me only...
sigh..peer pressure..i dun think they can ever imagine how poor am I now..
but nvm..I have God with me..
have faith in Him..

ps: 2 more days to go..

God, may I have 48 hours a day??

sigh..
how I wish I can have 48 hours a day..
With that 48 hours, then only I think I can finish all my stuffs in time..
But while complaining about how busy am I, in fact, be honest, am kinda enjoyed in having this kind of hectic lifestyle..
"Life is a paradox.."
It's one of my beloved sensei's favorite quotes..
Sigh..I miss my sensei so much..He's actually my English tuition teacher..But..kaka..If I were to be born sixty years ago,I would definitely court for him..LOlz..
Oh ya..
This coming week I' m going to have my first ever form six exam..
Hope everything will be fine..
mmm.. Do u think I can score well without doing any revision??
Am really lazy in doing revision..
Tomorrow morning gonna go to ipoh ..evangelistic outing ..
but..sigh..feel so sorry to God..I cant find any non-Christian friend to join us in this outing..
Eh, boy..
Time for you to help..
Be my guest for this outing.. LOLz..

p/s : 30 / 07 / 2009 .. am anticipating its coming ..

learning to say NO ..

NO No NO..
I have had enough of all the tedious, stupid, idiotic, ridiculous tasks from my teachers, clubs,
friends......
Argh..
Why people love putting all the responsibilities on me?
Am I look so..so..you know..easy for you all to bully?
I thought I have a very fierce, arrogant, unfriendly look ..
Shouldn't they lik..you know..scared of having contact with me or ..assigning tasks for me to do..
I have tonnes of homework, project work, household chores, church work, tuition classes to do and prepare everyday..
I think I have pushed myself to my limit already..M going to collapse anytime if I continue to have this kind of living ..
Sigh..
I wanna go home ..
To the place that I belong..
That the love has always been enough for me..

my great blessing from Him..

I am in his house now..he's just beside me..sleeping on the couch..everything seems so peaceful and still..am really grateful that I can share this peaceful moment with him..am not going to sleep so early 'cause..it's such a rare scenario in this crowded and noisy city..that..the surrounding is so quiet..ya..still and ..relaxed..no tension..no noise..no throngs..no pollution..

I am here now is because..ya..my boy getting into trouble again..he was sent to emergency unit in UM Hospital last morning..was so panicky when he told me via sms that he couldn't breathe well that morning..quickly i rushed out of the class and called him..my heart sank when i heard his voice..he couldn't even utter words properly..could only hear his breathing .. weak ..feeble..ya..like dying..

but thank God..he's alright now..sleeping just beside me..he's smiling..ya..innocent one..and..i think he has been doing his best in fighting this battle..against the haunting pain..after all..he's just 18..a young man..he deserves to lead a better life..

I believe God's really working in us..ya..i can see it..from him,i have learned many things..from how to appreciate our lives to live life to its fullest..ya..many many more..am really blessed..that i get to know him..in an unexpected place..during an unbelievable time..

Count my blessing ..ya..i thank God..that You have given him to me..
Amen..

critical point ..

You know .. in chemistry phase diagram, we learn about critical point..
if i' m not mistaken, it's a point that decides which physical state will that substance be..It can specify the characteristics of the substance and as well as its physical features..there are examples like vapour-liquid critical point,liquid-liquid critical point..
If to put this concept in life, i think..these few days time is the critical point..in our life..
if the report is not a good one..
den..
everything will change..
And..most probably..things are going to be bad..
But if the report is a nice one..
den..
phew..
Praise the Lord !!Thank God for this good news..

Can you see the difference of these two significant outcomes here..
I' m doubt whether I can really be so faithful that ..
even when I know some kind of diseases is going to be with you
for the next few months or maybe next few years or..
perhaps.. for the rest of your life..
I can still be able to utter the word "thank you" to Him..
it's hard..
no one wants to suffer from pain and handshaking for the rest of his life,right..
Nor u want it,right..
We shouldn't doubt God.. I know..
But still..
Why all these things happen now..
I don't know why...

Live life to its fullest..
Shine for Christ in all we do..
I pray that I can do it..
I pray that He will lead us going through this dark tunnel..

" I am the light of the world
You people come and follow me
If you follow and see
You will learn the mystery
Of what you can do and you can be "

when d One attacks ..

Does God promise us that life will be of no pain or suffering after we believe in Him ??
I think no, right ..
His pain is becoming more and more serious day after day ..
nothing seems to be recovering after we have been praying for so many days ..
does that mean that God is not listening to our prayers ??
Or , is that just simply meant that the God that we are believing is not the real God ??
He's like ..so far away from me ..
Or, is it that .. i myself is far away from Him??
Aren't they sound the same??
Mmmm..

His suffering makes me learn of something ..
that is .. no matter how high we are now , how great we are in the world now ..
after all .. we are just .. humans ..
no matter who you are .. in the end of the day ..

you are just a human ..
And a human ..
only has one life ..
that's no more life-take-two here ..
when we're talking about life ..
i've been spending so much time in my studies for so many years ..
but , in d end , what did i get??
zero ..
for now ..
i want nothing ..i ask nothing from God ..
but ..just ..
don't bring him back to You there so fast ..

i'm anticipating for his med report ..
God bless ,boy ..

somebody's me ....

you know ..sometimes life is vry unfair ..we may have put very much effort in achieving something ..but ..we may not get what we have at the end of d day..
im in great struggle now ..everyday wake up i will make sure my boy is still there,living around somewhere in d big n overly-populated city.. m in great agony every night ..his suffering makes me feel so helpless and hopeless ..
every night i will pray for his health,pray for healing hands from Him..
but at d same time..i feel so insecure..
What if ..
He wants to take him away from me ..
and ..
What will I be if ..
He really takes him away from me..

" somebody wants you
somebody needs you
somebody dreams about you every single night .. "

With Christ , you will be healed ..
Becoz God loves you so much ..
Muackzzz..