Disappointment and Anxiety..

This few days..were kinda depressive one..
Dunno why..tears just flow from my cheek without any "pre-indication"..
I think I strain myself too much..In whatever I do..
but it seems like that's no other way for me to work everything out unless by straining myself to complete them all..in time..
I have just sit for the July test..
and trust me..it is the worst ever exam I have had before..
My physics paper..Out of the nine questions,I only know how to "do" two questions..
I told myself.."gosh..it's terrible ..you're going to fail your physics this time.."
It'll be my first time to fail in exam ..if i really do fail in this exam..
gosh..kinda hard for me to accept..for a person like me..kiasu..argh..
My studies..haihz..Big big headache..
My classmates used to ask me why not going for tuition classes..
In fact..come on..who said I don't want to go for tuition..It's becoz I dun have the money to pay the teacher to teach me only...
sigh..peer pressure..i dun think they can ever imagine how poor am I now..
but nvm..I have God with me..
have faith in Him..

ps: 2 more days to go..

God, may I have 48 hours a day??

sigh..
how I wish I can have 48 hours a day..
With that 48 hours, then only I think I can finish all my stuffs in time..
But while complaining about how busy am I, in fact, be honest, am kinda enjoyed in having this kind of hectic lifestyle..
"Life is a paradox.."
It's one of my beloved sensei's favorite quotes..
Sigh..I miss my sensei so much..He's actually my English tuition teacher..But..kaka..If I were to be born sixty years ago,I would definitely court for him..LOlz..
Oh ya..
This coming week I' m going to have my first ever form six exam..
Hope everything will be fine..
mmm.. Do u think I can score well without doing any revision??
Am really lazy in doing revision..
Tomorrow morning gonna go to ipoh ..evangelistic outing ..
but..sigh..feel so sorry to God..I cant find any non-Christian friend to join us in this outing..
Eh, boy..
Time for you to help..
Be my guest for this outing.. LOLz..

p/s : 30 / 07 / 2009 .. am anticipating its coming ..

learning to say NO ..

NO No NO..
I have had enough of all the tedious, stupid, idiotic, ridiculous tasks from my teachers, clubs,
friends......
Argh..
Why people love putting all the responsibilities on me?
Am I look so..so..you know..easy for you all to bully?
I thought I have a very fierce, arrogant, unfriendly look ..
Shouldn't they lik..you know..scared of having contact with me or ..assigning tasks for me to do..
I have tonnes of homework, project work, household chores, church work, tuition classes to do and prepare everyday..
I think I have pushed myself to my limit already..M going to collapse anytime if I continue to have this kind of living ..
Sigh..
I wanna go home ..
To the place that I belong..
That the love has always been enough for me..

my great blessing from Him..

I am in his house now..he's just beside me..sleeping on the couch..everything seems so peaceful and still..am really grateful that I can share this peaceful moment with him..am not going to sleep so early 'cause..it's such a rare scenario in this crowded and noisy city..that..the surrounding is so quiet..ya..still and ..relaxed..no tension..no noise..no throngs..no pollution..

I am here now is because..ya..my boy getting into trouble again..he was sent to emergency unit in UM Hospital last morning..was so panicky when he told me via sms that he couldn't breathe well that morning..quickly i rushed out of the class and called him..my heart sank when i heard his voice..he couldn't even utter words properly..could only hear his breathing .. weak ..feeble..ya..like dying..

but thank God..he's alright now..sleeping just beside me..he's smiling..ya..innocent one..and..i think he has been doing his best in fighting this battle..against the haunting pain..after all..he's just 18..a young man..he deserves to lead a better life..

I believe God's really working in us..ya..i can see it..from him,i have learned many things..from how to appreciate our lives to live life to its fullest..ya..many many more..am really blessed..that i get to know him..in an unexpected place..during an unbelievable time..

Count my blessing ..ya..i thank God..that You have given him to me..
Amen..

critical point ..

You know .. in chemistry phase diagram, we learn about critical point..
if i' m not mistaken, it's a point that decides which physical state will that substance be..It can specify the characteristics of the substance and as well as its physical features..there are examples like vapour-liquid critical point,liquid-liquid critical point..
If to put this concept in life, i think..these few days time is the critical point..in our life..
if the report is not a good one..
den..
everything will change..
And..most probably..things are going to be bad..
But if the report is a nice one..
den..
phew..
Praise the Lord !!Thank God for this good news..

Can you see the difference of these two significant outcomes here..
I' m doubt whether I can really be so faithful that ..
even when I know some kind of diseases is going to be with you
for the next few months or maybe next few years or..
perhaps.. for the rest of your life..
I can still be able to utter the word "thank you" to Him..
it's hard..
no one wants to suffer from pain and handshaking for the rest of his life,right..
Nor u want it,right..
We shouldn't doubt God.. I know..
But still..
Why all these things happen now..
I don't know why...

Live life to its fullest..
Shine for Christ in all we do..
I pray that I can do it..
I pray that He will lead us going through this dark tunnel..

" I am the light of the world
You people come and follow me
If you follow and see
You will learn the mystery
Of what you can do and you can be "

when d One attacks ..

Does God promise us that life will be of no pain or suffering after we believe in Him ??
I think no, right ..
His pain is becoming more and more serious day after day ..
nothing seems to be recovering after we have been praying for so many days ..
does that mean that God is not listening to our prayers ??
Or , is that just simply meant that the God that we are believing is not the real God ??
He's like ..so far away from me ..
Or, is it that .. i myself is far away from Him??
Aren't they sound the same??
Mmmm..

His suffering makes me learn of something ..
that is .. no matter how high we are now , how great we are in the world now ..
after all .. we are just .. humans ..
no matter who you are .. in the end of the day ..

you are just a human ..
And a human ..
only has one life ..
that's no more life-take-two here ..
when we're talking about life ..
i've been spending so much time in my studies for so many years ..
but , in d end , what did i get??
zero ..
for now ..
i want nothing ..i ask nothing from God ..
but ..just ..
don't bring him back to You there so fast ..

i'm anticipating for his med report ..
God bless ,boy ..

somebody's me ....

you know ..sometimes life is vry unfair ..we may have put very much effort in achieving something ..but ..we may not get what we have at the end of d day..
im in great struggle now ..everyday wake up i will make sure my boy is still there,living around somewhere in d big n overly-populated city.. m in great agony every night ..his suffering makes me feel so helpless and hopeless ..
every night i will pray for his health,pray for healing hands from Him..
but at d same time..i feel so insecure..
What if ..
He wants to take him away from me ..
and ..
What will I be if ..
He really takes him away from me..

" somebody wants you
somebody needs you
somebody dreams about you every single night .. "

With Christ , you will be healed ..
Becoz God loves you so much ..
Muackzzz..